Skulduggery Pleasant: The Lowney Mansion Murders
by Invader Skrabb
Summary: A Skulduggery Pleasant and Doctor Who crossover! When Skulduggery Pleasant inspects a crime at the Lowney Mansion, he run into the Doctor. Will these two great minds pull together to solve the unearthly crime? Read to find out!
1. Close Encounter

Skulduggery Pleasant was a man of simple tastes. He liked... Bentleys, and guns, and solving murder cases. Valkyrie Cain, on the other hand, did _not_ like murder cases. Not the slightest bit. Ever since she saw the gore of the last murder case... it just turned her stomach at even the thought of attending one. Which was why she had decidedly not gone with Skulduggery to this one.

Skulduggery wasn't all too keen on what he was seeing presently at Lowney Mansion. The whole family or seven; two grandparents, two parents, and two children of seventeen and twenty two had been found murdered. All were beheaded. If Skulduggery had a stomach, it may have churned. Not because the scene was messy or bloody, but because it was... completely clean. No blood whatsoever, because there was no blood in the bodies. It was obvious that the blood hadn't been, for lack of a better term, sucked from the victim's bodies after they had been beheaded, or there would surely be blood on the floor. But the blood couldn't have been sucked away _before _they were beheaded, or there would be on obvious entry wound. But the only wounds were the clear cuts through the necks. Two inches under the chin. No more, no less on everybody.

The skeleton was bewildered. A mystery indeed.

Of course, he wouldn't tell anybody. That's why he requested he inspect the bodies alone for tonight. Because he knew he might have looked wide eyed and stunned.

Oh wait, he didn't have eyes. So, he had no need to be embarrassed by people seeing that he looked stunned. So... he was alone with six headless people, in a creepy, dimly lit mansion, with the wind blowing at making the walls creak? Him and his pride...

Then, over the sound of the wind and creaking, he heard an unearthly noise. Like the groaning of an ancient engine.

"What the devil..." he muttered, and turned his skeletal head, only to be greeted by the sight of a blue police box... which seemed to fade in and out of existence, until finally it fully materialised just ten feet from the murder scene, and from him. His jaw dropped.

The engine noises died down, and a lanky man with a mop of brown hair jumped out of the police box, his back facing the skeleton, as if he was lecturing somebody inside.

"Now," the man said, completely ignorant of the skeleton, "I want you all to listen to what I have to say,"

A young woman with ginger hair poked her head out of the doors, but just as she opened her mouth to speak she spied Skulduggery and froze.

Then a man, about the same age as the woman, poked his head out of the same door. How many people were in there?

"Uhm, Doctor," said the man as he spied the detective.

"Not now Rory, I'm talking. This is the place of the infamous Lowney murder. I want you all to know that it is very disturbing, so if you're scared of dead people, I suggest that you stay inside,"

The girl pointed to Skulduggery, who, for fun, decided to remain silent, "Dead person,"

"I know Amy! This is a murder scene," the doctor said.

"No, Doctor, and actual dead person," the girl named Amy insisted.

The Doctor stopped walking, and gestured exasperatedly, "Uh, I _know_."

"_Turn around_," Rory hissed.

The Doctor crossed his arms, "You know what? No. You're all being very silly. And if I have to hear one more remark about a dead person—"

Skulduggery made a sound as if he was clearing his throat, even though he didn't have a throat and therefore nothing to clear from it, "Excuse me, Sir. They were talking about _me_."

The Doctor turned around, facing the skeleton, just a foot apart. Skulduggery very much enjoyed the look on his face. He felt a bit better about his own shock now.

The lanky man looked the skeleton up and down, "Well... look at you."

Skulduggery watched the man as he circled him. He took out an object which looked a bit like a screwdriver, and pointed it at him, and it whirred as a green light flashed from the tip.

He flicked it open, looked at the readings, and laughed in shock, "Ha! My god, you're actually a dead man!"

"Yes, I know. It's kind of obvious don't you think?"

"Why don't you just fall apart?" asked the man named Rory, slowly approaching him.

Skulduggery straightened his tie, "I'm too smart to fall apart."

The doctor sniffed the skeleton's shoulder and Skulduggery gave him a look, "Who on earth are you? And why are you at my murder case?"

"Ah bup bup," The Doctor said, wagging his finger, "I ask the questions around here,"

Skulduggery crossed his arms, "No, I do. I'm the detective here, not you. You're trespassing,"

Doctor tilted his head thoughtfully, a lot like the skeleton does, "Alright, well, it appears we've reached an impass." He stuck out his hand, finally a reasonable distance away form the detective, "I'm the Doctor."  
Skulduggery took his hand, "I'm detective Skulduggery Pleasant. And may I ask, doctor who?"

Doctor grinned, "I love it when they ask that!"

Amy said, "Wait a minute, are we not seeing the same thing? There's a walking, talking skeleton, and you just shake it's hand?"

"Excuse me Miss," Skulduggery cried, "I am not an it. I can assure you that I am a man,"

"Yeah!" Doctor nodded, looking stern but playful, "And you know what, we haven't actually distinguished that he can walk. All he's done is stand there,"

Skulduggery took a step.

"There! _Now_ we know he's a walking, talking skeleton for sure," Doctor grinned at the skeleton, "I like you already,"

Skulduggery laughed, "The feeling is mutual, doctor! But you still haven't answered my question, why are you at my murder case?"  
Doctor paused, "Because it's _my_ murder case,"

Skulduggery would've raised an eyebrow, "The Sanctuary has assigned me to this case. As you can see, six bodies, no heads, no blood, no entry wounds."

Doctor waved his screwdriver over the bodies, nodding slowly while he stated, "And you have no idea how this happened,"

Skulduggery shot him a look, "I just haven't thought of a logical answer yet. Give me a minute,"

"Well, I wouldn't expect you to have an answer, detective. Because this attack was not a human one," he looked at the dial, "Definitely alien,"

Skulduggery gave him another look, "Alien?"

"Yes, of course!" Doctor said grimly, "I've only seen this attack once before... we still don't know who was responsible,"

"Well, that helps the case." Skulduggery huffed.

"Hmm..." Doctor murmured," I'm going to have to run this through the memory banks..."

Then he turned on his heel and walked back into the police box, followed quickly by Rory and Amy. Skulduggery stood there, staring after them, and then the Doctor poked his head out, "Oh, sorry, won't you come in?"

The skeleton glanced over his shoulder at the bodies, and once again around the creepy, creaky house, before finally walking into the police box as the Doctor grinned merrily.

**Want an update? REVIEW. I want five reviews before I continue. So tell me what you think if you want some crazy adventures with your two favourite people in the world!**


	2. Beasts in the Window

The Doctor knew everything about the Sanctuary. No secrets or sub cultures slipped past him. He had heard about Skulduggery Pleasant, but had just assumed that he was a myth. There was no way he could have known that the skeleton detective was a real person, as he never spent much time learning about it. He told himself that he'd get round to it someday but he'd been quite preoccupied recently with Amy and Rory. He knew about magic, obviously. He knew it was a real thing, and he knew how it worked, scientifically. But he didn't know that it could bring people back to life!

He watched as the skeleton entered the TARDIS from his console, and saw his jaw drop a centimetre. Skulduggery stared about him and Doctor grinned, crossed his arms, and waited for the famous words.

The skeleton spotted Doctor looking at him, and his jaw promptly shut and he crossed his arms.

"Nothing to say, nothing at all?" Doctor looked almost offended, "No famous five words you'd like to say?"

Skulduggery said, "I think stating the obvious will not get us any closer to solving the case."

Doctor pouted, "You're no fun,"

"On the contrary, I have a great sense of humour, thank you," Skulduggery protested, "So, where are you going? You said the culprit was an alien? I'm sorry, but I find that hard to believe. It must have been some form of magic, all I need to do is find leads,"

Amy glanced at the skeleton from the other side of the TARDIS's console, and it was clear that she was a bit scared of him, "Um, magic? What do you mean, magic?"

Skulduggery's head raised a fraction in alarm, "Oh, dear, these are mortals, aren't they, Doctor? Well, I surmise that if they are travelling with you they have seem much more than they have ever intended to, haven't you?"

He was looking at Amy, and she shrugged and looked away, rubbing her arm subconsciously. Rory tried to be brave, and walked up to the skeleton, stopping short and taking a step back when Skulduggery noticed him coming.

"You two!" Doctor said cheerily, clapping his hands, "There's no need to be afraid of the detective! Yes, he's a bit freaky—"

"Hey,"

"—but he looks just like you two if you think about it. He's perfectly safe," the Doctor gave the skeleton a hard stare, "right?"

He hesitated, but said warmly, "Of course!"

Rory said to the skeleton finally, "Um, how did you get like that?"

"Like what?" He pretended not to know what he meant.

"Like a skeleton, I mean,"

"Oh!" Skulduggery cried, and lifted his head proudly, "It is a magnificently thrilling story, involving war and magic and myself as the main protagonist. I assure that I was quite inspiring, the way I handled it all. Some would even say _legendary_. But it's a very long adventurous thrill ride, and I will be sure to indulge this tale upon you soon."

"Good to know it hasn't gone to your head," Amy muttered.

"Oh, it hasn't, I've always been like this," Skulduggery assured.

"Seriously? Like, are you being serious right now?"

"Can't you tell?"

"Not exactly,"

"Well, for future reference, this is my serious face,"

Doctor laughed heartily, "I like him! And to answer your previous question Detective—"

"Please, call me Skulduggery,"

"Alright then Skulduggery, we are going to travel through time, this being a _time machine, _to witness this murder take place and hopefully find out who the culprit is,"

Everyone was shocked, but Skulduggery said, "You can't be serious. You don't want to see this taking place, Doctor. You're young. This will scar you, trust me,"

Doctor looked at Skulduggery, who had moved beside him, and stared him right in the eye sockets. He watched for a moment as the lights from the TARDIS played at the back of his skull and said quietly, "Skulduggery, I am almost a thousand years old. I have seen terrible things, as terrible and frightening as the things I know you have. Trust me, detective, nothing can scar me anymore."

"What about your friends? You cannot let them see this. You cannot allow them to even be present. You'll have to do this the old fashioned way."

"I can make them stay somewhere else as we watch it from within the safety of the TARDIS. But now that you mention it, if we move the TARDIS within range I could—"

"Scare off the killer," they chorused.

"Well, Skulduggery. It appears you're right, we'll have to do this by the book,"

"I think I'm going to be sick," Amy murmured, tuning away from the bodies.

Skulduggery took a little packet of yellow powder out of his suit pocket as he said, "As I have stated before," he said to no one in particular, "there are no entry wounds, and the beheading is far too smooth across the neck to be done by any blade. I am not ruling out aliens, as the Doctor has said, but magic is a very real possibility,"

Doctor was leaning over Skulduggery's shoulder, and Rory was standing next to Amy, probably just as disgusted as she was.

"What's that you've got there?" Doctor asked, moving to stand directly beside the skeleton.

"It's called rainbow powder. When it's sprinkled in the air, if magic has been present in the area, it will turn a few different colours. Moment of truth,"

Skulduggery opened the clear packet and sprinkled it into the air. As it fell to the floor, it stayed the same colour of pale yellow.

Skulduggery put the powder back into his pocket, "Nothing. A mortal couldn't have done this. It must've been—"

"An alien," Doctor confirmed with a nod, "Alright, we've got out first lead. So let's rule out the obvious ones." He thought for a second, "Oh, dear. I can't think of anyone,"

"Well, that's helpful," Skulduggery muttered, "Well, I've never not solved a case before, and I doubt now will be any different."

"_DOCTOR_!"

The two swung around fast enough to see a face at the window, staring in at them. The face of some kind of monster.

Skulduggery fired twice and it screeched, reeling away from the window, and then it burst through the glass and headed straight for him. Amy and Rory ran for cover, and the doctor held out his sonic screwdrive in hopes of stunning the thing. It didn't work.

Skulduggery was aiming for the eyes now as it drew closer, and finally one hit home, right between the eyes. The monster, something like a wolf and a lion, fell before Skulduggery and the Doctor, dead, and bleeding something like tar.

"What the hell is that thing?" asked Amy in alarm as the two walked from their hiding place and beside the beast.

Doctor waved the screwdriver over it, "It's not alien,"

"It's a monster from the caves beneath Gordon's house," Skulduggery realised, "I couldn't have gotten out on its own. Someone must have set it free,"

He knelt beside one of the monster's paws, "Look at the length of these claws. Thin and sharp, like a samurai sword. One swipe from these, your head could come clean off. ...But if this was the thing that killed the Lowney family, it would've left claw marks. Probably four. And it's likely it would've eaten them too. I do not think that this is the monster that killed this family. It must've been another. So that means that..." he raised his head and stared at the Doctor, "There's more than one monster on the loose,"

"Everybody, into the TARDIS!" Doctor ordered, "You too, Skulduggery,"

"No, I need to go to the Sanctuary and report this."

"Right, yes, you do that." Doctor nodded surely, "I'll meet you again. You live on... Cemetery road, right?"

Skulduggery wasn't surprised that he knew his address, and watched them enter the TARDIS, "Doctor, wait. I want you to work with me and my associate on this case."  
"I was already going to!" Doctor grinned back at him, and game him an exaggerated wave, "Bye now! Oh and by the way, I love your Bentley!"

And with that the door of the police box swung shut behind him, and the great machine started to creak and groan, and fade in and out of existence until there was nothing there at all.

Skulduggery took out his phone.

"..._Skulduggery_?" came Valkyrie's sleepy voice, "_It's two in the morning_."

"I know," the skeleton said, and if he had a mouth he would've been grinning, "And you are not going to believe what happened to me,"


	3. The Break in

"And that's when I called Valkyrie. But the other monster who must've been responsible for the death of the Lowney family is still on the loose, and I suggest we carry out a full search,"

Valkyrie and Skulduggery were in the Sanctuary, and after waiting two hours were finally talking to Ghastly and the two other elders. Valkyrie had obviously had trouble believing his stories at first, but she figured if it was a joke he wouldn't have called her at two in the morning. But she still hit him anyway. He deserved it.

"Do you really think a monster from the caves could've made it that far?" asked Ghastly.

"Not on it's own, no. It had to be let loose, and then led to the mansion. That's the only explanation. I suggest tomorrow that Valkyrie and I go back to the mansion and look for tracks."

Ghastly nodded, "That sounds fair. Alright then, Skulduggery. You have permission."

* * *

Doctor climbed out of the TARDIS, followed by Amy and Rory, but before he could even get into Skulduggery's house, Amy grabbed the Doctor's arm.

"Doctor, wait!" she hissed, as if she was worried that someone would hear her.

Doctor turned to her, his brown hair tinted silver in the moonlight, "What?"  
"What if, like, it's booby trapped or something?"

"Why would it be booby trapped?" asked Rory, looking around.

"Well, I don't know, but I don't think you should just walk into his house like that,"

"What, like this?" Doctor put his hand on the door handle.

"Doctor, stop it,"

"Are you afraid of the skeleton or something, Amy?" asked Rory, not judgmentally.

Amy glared at him, and folded her arms against the cold, "_No_, it's just that, well, we don't know anything about him,"

Doctor knocked the door and said, "I trust him, Amy. And his name is Skulduggery. Hello?" he called loudly and Amy rolled her eyes.

Doctor shrugged, "I guess he's out."

"He did say he was going to report the monster thing," informed Rory.

"Why didn't you just get here an hour later?" asked Amy.

"Because I want to see what his house looks like on the inside," Doctor grinned, and soon the screwdriver was opening the locked on the door.

"You can't just go in!" cried Rory.

The door unlocked and opened, "Apparently, I can!" Doctor grinned, and disappeared into the house.

Amy and Rory glanced at each other, then around the street, and in fear of a Bentley driving up the road, entered the house as well. The lights flicked on and Doctor said from another room, "Every room's a living room!"

"Well, he wouldn't need to sleep or eat or anything, so it makes sense," Amy said, and made her way into the first room she found.

It was nicely decorated, with a tasteful sofa and carpet. There were paintings hanging on the walls, and ornaments in oak cabinets. She found after a bit more snooping, she uncovered a little room that looked like a library. Books lined the walls, and questionably, on the arm of the armchair, she found a half opened book entitled "How to build your own Fireplace".

She turned around to find that Rory and Doctor were gone. In a bit of a panic she went looking for them, finding that they weren't downstairs anymore. She wanted to call out but she didn't want to break the silence of the house, in fear it might attract the wrong attention. She went upstairs, flinching when a board creaked under her foot.

Finally as she made it upstairs, she hissed their names under her breath. The house was even creepier up here. She walked down the hall, finding that a few rooms were locked. With a biting curiosity, she pressed her ear to a blue door. She heard nothing and moved on to the next one. Now she was beginning to panic a little more. Where had they gone?

Turning around she nearly jumped a foot in the air to see a girl with jet black hair glaring at her with piercingly blue eyes.

Amy put a hand on her chest, "Jesus Christ—"

The girl, who must've been seventeen, turned her head to the stairs, "Skulduggery, Amy's up here!"

"You know Skulduggery?" asked Amy, desperate to communicate with the girl at least once.

"Don't you talk," the girl growled, "It's three in the morning and you broke into my friend's house, and now I'm all grouchy,"

"It wasn't my idea," Amy spat, "It was the Doctor's idea."

"You left the door open,"

"What?"

"You left the front door open," the girl repeated, and her eyes tightened, "That means someone very unobservant person broke into this house."

"So?"

The girl shrugged, her eyes softening, "Just an observation. I'm Valkyrie by the way,"

"Amy,"

"I know, now come with me,"

Valkyrie led the way downstairs, and finally Doctor and Rory were found in the first living room.

"There you are!" Doctor smiled, and gave a little wave.

"Where'd you go, anyway?" asked Rory as Amy went to stand beside him.

"Looking for you. It's easy to get lost here,"

"I'm sorry for keeping you three waiting," said a familiar velvety voice, and Skulduggery moved beside Valkyrie who looked as grouchy as before, "I'm not used to having guests show up before I get home,"

"Sorry, Skulduggery," Doctor said, bowing his head, "It was my idea."

"I guess after living a thousand years, you begin to lose track of personal boundaries," Skulduggery's arms were crossed by now.

"Sorry," Doctor said again, and sounded as though he really meant it, "But, in other news, at least you got permission from the Sanctuary!"

"How—"

"And now we can figure out who exactly let those... _monsters_ loose,"

"About that," Valkyrie spoke up, "I think a good place to start looking would be in Gordon's house. He's my uncle, and a passageway leads into the caves from there,"

"Wouldn't he need a key or something?" asked Rory.

"Actually, since it was opened a few years ago, we never found a good way to keep it closed," Valkyrie admitted, "Any spell can be broken with patience,"

"You think someone could've gotten into your Uncle's house and worked on such a difficult spell without him noticing?" said the Doctor.

"He's dead, so he's not exactly as observant as he used to be,"

"Oh, I'm sorry,"

"Don't worry about it. He still hangs around," That must've been some kind of inside joke, because she gave a little smirk as she said it.

"That does seem very possible," Skulduggery conceded, "Definitely worth looking into, I believe. The person or persons involved may have found a pathway leading to the Lowney mansion. Or perhaps they didn't mean to lead the monster or monsters to that particular house. Now that I think about it, it's possible that they were making a point..."

"What kind of point?" asked Amy.

"That's what we have to find out," Skulduggery said.

He glanced at Valkyrie and said, "But perhaps we should wait until tomorrow to get this started, eh?"

"Alright," Doctor said, "But one more thing Skulduggery,"

"Yes?"

"I have a time machine, so, we can get there tomorrow right now if you want,"

Skulduggery tilted his head, "That does sound like fun,"

"Well, you can," Valkyrie said, "I'm just gonna sleep on this sofa,"

"Bye then," Skulduggery said, and there was a childish smile in his voice when he looked back at the Doctor, "Let's go,"

When they left and Valkyrie lay down on the sofa, she was treated to the sound of ancient engines grinding and fading away into the night.


End file.
